| SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE ALL I CAN DO IS MESS UP OTHER PEOPLES LIVES~~ AND MY OWN~~WHAT WOULD THE WORLD BE LIKE WITHOUT ME? SURE, THEY WOULD BE SAD FOR A FEW DAYS...BUT AFTER THAT IT WOULD MOVE ON... |
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Hong and me wet and cold at Disney Land...so much fun with him though <3
Hong and me tired after a long day at Universal Studios
Isnt Hong cute!!! I <3 my nerd! so cute!
My brother, Hong, and me right before prom <3
Hong and me before the band banquet (soooo bright outside)
Doesnt he look like a genius? <3 (i think its cute)
Hong and me after graduation....my last time to see him for a long time </3
My brother congratulating me after graduation...
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| fixed my zen...broke my computer...i am hopeless i ruin everything...from electronics...to my life...to others lives...
i feel alone...kinda scared...he doesnt want to talk to me for a few days...i dont really like that...but he wants it...so i guess i'll get over it...i'll be around the house or something...and probably washing my face...me and lauren learned that u dont play tag while working in a grocery store with bleach cleaner bottles in ur hand...cus she tripped and shot me in the face...now i feel kinda sick from smelling bleach for 4 hours...yatta...im around...
edit/ played maple for about an hour or so...leveled again...i havent been playing much lately...i dont...feel the motivation as much anymore...not happy enough i guess...so...im lvl 46, 13%...and i lvld devins acct for him so hes 30 and just got his job advancement...but who cares...now im just sitting here...reading over the conv i had with Hong earlier...i feel like i am going to cry...but i dont want to...i feel stupid and weak when i cry...im stronger than this...i guess i will watch 'yatta' before i go to bed...i need something to make me laugh....w/e |
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| I feel awful today! I ended up staying online ALL night last night...hoping that Hong would come back from stupid hair cut...i had even told him that I ensured that I would be able to stay up all night...i had drinken 3 energy drinks...i made myself terribly sick...but did he ever come back? ...no...he thought i was asleep...so he decided to play basketball...now i feel horrible...ended up falling asleep around 5 o'clock...woke up screaming at 530...walked around downstairs afraid to go to sleep until about 645...then i went back upstairs to try and sleep again...fell asleep around 7 woke up again screaming and crying at about 730...i gave up on sleeping...so i decided to try reading for a little while...gave up and started to get ready for church...I was so worn out at church...spent most of the service trying to figure out everything that had occured the night before...me and hong...my dream...what had happened...then since my dad is going to be out of town for father's day we decided to take my dad out. We went to shady oak for lunch...i got home and right as i was about to call in to see if work needed me to work today i felt really really sick...i ran to the restroom just in time too...as soon as i got there i lost it and started throwing up...i thought i was fine and began to walk out and barely made it to my sink before i lost it again! I ended up throwing up everything i had eaten...good thing work did not need me because i was terribly sick...no temperature anymore...but still felt very sick! So i went and layed down for about an hour...then the Burnetts came over and i ended up watching movies while they ate downstairs... and i feel really sick still...I have decided...that i wont wait for hong tonight because i need to sleep really badly...i am going to wake up around 530 just to see if he is on by any chance...but i am not sure if he even wants to talk to me...it feels like he is ignoring me right now...i feel in some ways...that i am the only one making an effort to talk to the other...im not sure...i think i am feeling this way because i am sick...i am very confused...I am the one who is sleep deprived and trying to talk to the other...i have missed so many hours of sleep...i get about 3 or 4 hours of sleep...i wish i knew how he feels about...this...idk...im so confused...and tired...and scared...i got bored so i filled out a stupid love survey...have fun...w/e who cares...
The Love Quiz
Name: Bethany Hoekstra
Birth date: September 28th 1988
Location: Allen, Tx
Do you have a bf/gf: Yes
His/Her name: Hong Lu
Do you love them: Yes, so much
Would you marry him/her: yes, if he asks me then
Dream Date: Going out to a sit down restaurant and then go for a walk during sunset
If you were to recieve a gift that was sentimental and had lots of meaning to you
and him/her what would it be: a picture of him and maybe one of him when he was slightly younger...idk...
To receive a gift not for any special occasion: a nice book
Favorite Memory with him/her: All of the band memories with him...like all the football game bus rides and the band trip to California...
When was the last time you cried over him/her: Last night
Have you ever cheated on someone: No
Would you ever cheat on him/her: Never...i love him
Have you ever been cheated on: Yes
What was his/her name: Alex Roberts; he was going out with me and two other girls at the same time...he is pathetic.
How long have you and your bf/gf been going out: 11 months as of today the 12th of June
Do you hope to go out for a long time: Of course
How are you feeling right now?: sick and lonely
What are you doing right now?: Getting ready to go to bed
If you could change one thing about your bf/gf what would it be: I am not sure...maybe some of the ways we treat each other...but..im not sure if i could say there is much i would ever ask him to change...i love him as he is...
Do you like the way he/she looks: yes...
Would you change his/her appearance: no, not really
Have they ever hurt you?: ...yes
Did you forgive them?: yes
Have you ever hurt them?:...yes...
Did they forgive you?: i believe so...some times i am not entirely sure
Do you think that this quiz is pointless?: idk...
Would you ever take a xanga-friends quiz again?: I am not sure
Will you post this on your site?: Obviously...u retards |
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| my heart is torn...why did this happen...why could he say that..if he loves me like he says he does...how can he say that...please pray...cus i hurt...im going to go think outside...it hurts that he would threaten me like that...it feels like it wasnt good enough that i would try...how can i promise something to someone i love...if i am not 100% sure i can do it...i love him...and i want to not think about it...but its so hard...because...he would feel the way i feel if i told him something like "white people think that the white person who marries say an (other race) person is weak..." it hurts the same
i feel so lost right now... |
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